The Demon Drink – The Other Side Of Whisky

So, following my post on whisky photography, I decided to write a blog about the consumer end of Scotch Whisky. It is no secret that I like a wee whisky. I hated whisky as a youngster, but grew to like it, as I began to learn more about the drink, and the different flavours and styles.

Anyway, I will cut to the chase. Alcohol. I have had a love/hate relationship with alcohol since I was in my teens. Love a drink, hate the way it affects me at times. Love the taste of whisky, hate risking my life when I have too much, seriously…read on.

Which brings me to 15th of December 2018. I had a few Whiskies, which led to a few more, and I ended up pretty drunk. Now I have a couple of problems with alcohol. Firstly, I am on permanent medication, and quite strong at that. This is not a good combination with alcohol. The other problem is, if I have a fair few drinks, I don’t realise what I have had and tend to keep going, then boom! it hits me suddenly. These two things combined tend to lead to major blackouts, memory loss, and general disasters. There has been at least three occasions in a little over a year, where I have no idea where I have been, have fallen, hurt myself and then spend weeks worrying about WTF I have done. Mid December saw me with badly damaged ribs and a bad back, and absolutely no idea why. I had several hours of complete blackout, which have never returned. So, I decided that morning, that I was stopping drinking. Alcohol + medication = disaster. Especially when the alcohol is counteracting the medication anyway. Pointless. Anti depressant + depressant = 0 effect. Or worse.

Now, I have said I was stopping drinking before, but because I don’t drink often or much, it has always been too easy to have a few here and there, but inevitably a wee while later, the couple of drinks ends up messy one night. My mood is affected, my anxiety is worse, and I generally hate myself for quite some time. This time, I was determined though. Sick of feeling low and full of regrets. Time for action. There was a few problems in this plan. One being my poor will power. Another being my small stock of very nice whisky. However the biggest problem was the time of year. Christmas ten days away, then New Year, quickly followed by the SWPP Convention in London, and my dad’s 70th birthday. All within five weeks. I stayed strong though, and got through them all. Not even the slightest temptation to be honest. I was never a ‘drink to get drunk’ guy, I just enjoyed a really nice whisky, so it was quite easy to cut it out really. Just turn a bad habit into a good one.

I missed the taste of a nice dram, but certainly not the feeling it gave me. People started asking me if I felt better – truth being, I didn’t really. But, like most things, you don’t notice because it’s not particularly obvious. If you drank a lot and felt ill all the time, you would notice. However the more I sat down and thought of it, the more I realised how much better I was sleeping. How few ‘black’ days I had been having. I have days when I can barely get out of bed – severe depression. Feeling like just making a cup of coffee is too much effort. These were few and far between, and this was even more unusual in the winter, when I definitely suffer more as a rule. I’d expect to have spent New Year feeling like shit – I hate NY as it makes me depressed every year. This year I got through it no problem.

London and my SWPP presentations. This is a thing I always put myself up for then regret nearer the time as anxiety and fear of public speaking kick in. This year I was pretty stressed until a day or two before I went, then magically I felt much better. I woke up both days with no fear or anxiety – days I would normally have woke up feeling ill. I did my presentations with a minimal (normal) amount of nerves and actually enjoyed the experience. Was this a coincidence or a result of being a month without alcohol? I can’t say for certain but I know in myself that it was the main reason.

So, I managed to reach a milestone of ten weeks. By now I had already said to a number of people that I was probably going to have a drink again, but just for a taste. I even poured drams back into bottles on two occasions, proving I wasn’t that bothered, but at ten weeks I decided to have a dram one night. I had a couple of small whiskies, kind of enjoyed them, didn’t feel drunk and that was fine. However I had the worst sleep in a long time, and woke up feeling awful. Not a hangover, just felt absolutely rotten mentally. I struggled to do much that day, and realised exactly how bad alcohol was for me.

It was having the long break, then dipping my toe back in the water that was needed to actually see what alcohol did to me. This was the eureka moment. Not the giving up part. The trying to have it again part. As much as I couldn’t tell the positive changes, my god I noticed the negative ones right away.

I think for years we all kid ourselves that alcohol is fine, without actually trying to see what effect it is having on our overall health. I am not preaching to others – I would never suggest anyone stops drinking, nor do I think anyone is daft for doing so, but it has been a real eye opener for me, and from my own personal point of view, I am off it long term. It is all down to personal choice.

When I look back over life, most of the bad things that have happened have been alcohol related. Okay there have been some awesome events where alcohol was involved, but they’d have happened regardless. I’ve had drink when I have been in a very low mood, and woke up the next day lucky to be alive, and giving myself a shock as to how much alcohol darkens my mood, and increases the chances of me doing something stupid.

That is the extreme side of it. But on a more day to day basis, it clearly affects my anxiety and mood. I am a much less anxious and more outgoing person this year as a result of cutting it out. I can see all of this now. I can only think of alcohol in a negative way now, from childhood, seeing others with it, to my own behaviour, ridiculous at times, reckless at others.

Yes, I still love a nice whisky. A Glenfiddich 15yo. Glenmorangie LaSanta. Laphroaig. Old Pulteney. My faves. I love these whiskies, and I definitely will have one on a special occasion, but for now I put a higher value on my sleep, my mental health, and my overall wellbeing as I focus on building my business up to the level I want. My priority is to be the best I can in life, business and personally, and this is one factor which only brings negativity to my life.

So, I look forward to continuing to work within the whisky industry and enjoy being part of that, but for now, me and whisky are over.

Comments welcome!